Monthly Archives: March 2010

If you’re not the crazed business man by day, or the savior of the night, there’s one more path that you’ve probably been walking. It can be a rocky path, but the rewards are worth it.

You’re here to save the day, but people may not like you while you’re doing it. But you’ve seen enough of the life behind you, and you can already see too much of the life in front of you.

You’re done.
You’ve got change on your mind
and there is no easy way to do it.
You’re the revolutionary.
You’re here to kick ass and chew double bubble.
(and you hate double bubble)
The last thing you want to do is keep the status quo.

(more…)

This is an open letter to T-Pain, the man who made autotune famous and accessible for all genres, and me glad that I have a CD player.

Mr. Teddy Pin-her-ass-down. The Nappy Boy. Thank you for bringing tophats back into style. I appreciate that. HOWEVER. I have a problem with you.

I love what you do for the dancefloor; I mean, anything that gets more women feeling good and moving on the dancefloor is generally alright with me. But you know, I have some ground rules.

I don’t want to hear you moan over the beat for most of the song. Your new video “Reverse Cowgirl” (I’ll talk to you about that later) features you moaning over the beat for the first 30 seconds. A solid 30 seconds of slow-mo T-Pain, normal speed T-Pain,  and oooohhhoooohohoohhoohAUUUGHAUHoohhooohhhh.

Really? (more…)

Earlier I mentioned that Christian Bale could make you realize some things about your life. Well if you didn’t find out that you’d turned into The Dark Knight, maybe it’s because you’ve been mistaken for that guy Halberstram… or was it Paul Allen? No no I think it’s Bateman…

You’ve given up hope for making sense of this world. Just said f*ck it all and thrown caution to the wind. You can see no other reasonable option. To be sane in an insane world is the true definition of madness to you. No one seems to have any idea of what is going on around them, but you do. If they only opened their eyes just a little, they’d see the sloppy writing on the walls. And the face screaming GET ME OUT OF HERE behind your calm mask.

(more…)

I hear this question every once in a while, and I even ask it of myself sometimes.

Picture this scenario: you’re at home, you’re working on something (project in the garage, project in the house, final boss on a video game, WHATEVER) and you’re in the groove and feelin’ good and suddenly your significant other hits you with “I’m ready for bed… are you coming to bed?” in THAT voice. You know what time it is. It’s business time. *cue Barry White music*

BUT WAIT! What you have in mind is going to take a while. There’s preparation involved. Gotta preheat the oven, prepare the ingredients, set the table, all before you can get to cookin’. If you leave now who knows how long till you get that flow back! What do you do?

I laid it out pretty simply for a friend…

(more…)

There’s this chart that exists in life. Everyone is aware of it on some level, they just may not have a name for it. No it’s not the one on the right, but that’s a pretty useful one too so memorize it.

No see the concept of it came up during a conversation about how as an ambitious man, you can not help but be an a$$hole in life. That’s an entirely different conversation though, so let me get back to the topic at hand…

(more…)

…and live to see tomorrow!

In the minds of men, bachelor parties are a sacred event. An event that, generally speaking, only comes once in each of our lives. I should be clear; there are many bachelor parties that a man may go to, but (hopefully) only 1 where he gets to be the bachelor.

You’re KING for the day. And you love it. However if the people planning it do it wrong, you’re going to love it less. And if they royally screw up, you’re going to be royally pissed.

A lot of us, hopefully all of us, have seen The Hangover. Hilarious movie right? Yes, to watch. Believe me, you don’t want to live The Hangover. Losing a tooth and marrying an escort is never as fun as it sounds (unless you’re into sadomasochism and risky sex, then by all means have at it). And so you know, most people who get stuck around angry hungry tigers don’t live to tell about it. (more…)